Filling Emotional Tanks Tools: Tip #2
Tank Filling Tip #2: Kid-Friendly Criticism
We know
that as parents, we have to sometimes correct our kids to help them
improve. But we can deliver this feedback with usable information that
helps empower our children. For example, "You need to focus!" contains
virtually no usable information, but "Remember that coach wants you to
keep both feet on the ground on throw-ins" contains very usable
information.
- Avoid non-teachable moments. The ride home from a game ended by a costly mistake is not the time to offer instruction.
- Wait for privacy. People hear criticism better in private than in front of a crowd.
- Ask permission. If
you ask, and your child prefers not to hear your criticism, honor that,
and ask again later. (Do not use this technique in areas where your
child needs an immediate lesson, such as poor sportsmanship or
dangerous behavior.)
- Use if-then statements. To
help your children feel in control even while you are criticizing,
phrase your feedback in the form of an if-then statement. "If you call
Ava off the ball, you'll be more comfortable under that pop-up."
- Make a criticism sandwich. "Sandwich"
the criticism between a truthful, specific compliment on each side. The
criticism is the meat, while the compliments are the bread. For
example: "You've been exploding off the line great. You seem to get
under the lineman's pads almost every time now. Just make sure you keep
your hands inside. If you combine keeping your hands inside with that
explosiveness, you'll be hard to beat."
For a one-pager about Kid-Friendly Criticism, Download: Responsible Sport Parenting: Kid-Friendly Criticism
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